I love you

[ghoti_mhic_uait]

So, sometimes on TV someone says I love you, and the other person says "thankyou" or kisses them or just doesn't say anything. Then there's a whole big thing about it: I can think of two breakups over this very issue (one of which I just went to look up what happened because I thought I missed the split, turns out I was wrong.

Now, is it just me or is there something odd here? "I love you" isn't a question, it isn't a leading statement, it's merely a fact. If the other person doesn't feel that way, then they might later, that's OK, but to say something they don't feel seems unnecessary dishonesty. To break up because you love someone, well, I don't get that. And thankyou is just polite, it means 'I hear what you're saying and I'm glad of it'.

Now, I say I love you a lot. I say it when I mean it, and I don't expect anything in return, because it's not a requirement, it's just a statement of fact. What about you?

Comments

[sashajwolf.livejournal.com]

I do the same as you, but IME we're relatively unusual. Culturally, "I love you" is not just a statement of fact - it's the first half of a call-and-response, with the expected response being "I love you too." If the other person doesn't offer the expected response, the first person is almost inevitably going to feel bad - either because they misjudged the situation by using the "call" too early in the relationship, or if the relationship is more established, because the other person is signalling that their feelings have changed.

[ghoti.livejournal.com]

*nod* so it is, as I thought, a cultural thing that I missed the import of. Thankfully, I've never noticed a partner have this cultural feeling, so it's never been an issue for me.

(Interestingly, Colin said 'I don't think it's as wide as US culture' when I was suggesting that that might be the difference... I also suggested 'notme' culture.)