I love you

[ghoti_mhic_uait]

So, sometimes on TV someone says I love you, and the other person says "thankyou" or kisses them or just doesn't say anything. Then there's a whole big thing about it: I can think of two breakups over this very issue (one of which I just went to look up what happened because I thought I missed the split, turns out I was wrong.

Now, is it just me or is there something odd here? "I love you" isn't a question, it isn't a leading statement, it's merely a fact. If the other person doesn't feel that way, then they might later, that's OK, but to say something they don't feel seems unnecessary dishonesty. To break up because you love someone, well, I don't get that. And thankyou is just polite, it means 'I hear what you're saying and I'm glad of it'.

Now, I say I love you a lot. I say it when I mean it, and I don't expect anything in return, because it's not a requirement, it's just a statement of fact. What about you?

Comments

[cartesiandaemon.livejournal.com]

What everyone else said. I think TV massively exaggerates it, but I think it is normal to expect love to be mutual, and given that, when someone says "I love you" is a natural time to say "I love you" yourself. It's like, if someone says "do you know, you're covered in soot" and they're ALSO covered in soot, you COULD not say anything, but it would be weird.

So, I feel strange NOT replying "I love you" but have made an effort not to say it all the time just to avoid feeling obliged to say it, rather saying it when I feel like it.

Or, it's possible to be in a relationship where one person cares a lot more about it than the other, but it's generally problematic long term, so to most people, just saying "i love you", even if free and true, is going to cause trouble if the other person doesn't think something comparable. (And bad enough if this is a relationship forming, let alone a relatiosnhip where you USED to both be committed, but now one isn't -- even if it's not a personal moral failing to stop feeling romantic feelings for someone, it's clear why TV would make it look like it is...) There's obviously better responses than having a massive fight and a break-up, like, say, letting the relationship grow at its own pace, but in TV-world where any emotional upset is immediately followed by a spiral of emotional blackmail and blame, that's what's going to happen :)