ghoti_mhic_uait: (Robot robot)
[personal profile] ghoti_mhic_uait
Someone on a food community I read posted a link to these anatomical heart cupcakes asking whether we thought they'd be suitable for her four year old son to take to school for Valentine's day.

Now, they are utterly awesome, and a quick glance at the ingredients reveals no nuts or peanuts, so I'd think they'd be OK for school, which is how I answered, but...

why would a four year old be taking cakes to school *for Valentine's day*? Why would anyone? We used to (at secondary school) have a board for posting anonymous comments. Apparently I even got one, one year, but I didn'#t have time to go and look until they were all taken down. That is, you post a comment for *one* person, or a small number of people you're interested in romantically or sexually.

The whole class? That would be weird. Four year olds? Also kind of icky.

Any explanations, gratefully received.

Date: 2008-02-09 03:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hatter.livejournal.com
I fear a blend of crass overcommercialisation and the assumed need to protect the kids who may not get a card/as many cards, gifts and adulation as the popular kids from the realities of life. Both following the lead from the USA (whether intentionally or not).


the hatter

Date: 2008-02-09 05:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ghoti.livejournal.com
In this case it was an American school. I haven't seen anything like that in the UK.

Date: 2008-02-09 08:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arosoff.livejournal.com
It isn't an assumed need. I grew up in the era when schools started to implement this policy in the States. You would get one kid who got no Valentines cards, and everyone would comment on it--"look at the loser". So schools started an "everyone or no one" rule. Same thing with birthday parties--if you hand invitations out at school you have to invite the whole class, so kids don't get the double humiliation of not only being uninvited but being shown up in front of the whole class.

You might view it as "protecting kids from the realities of life"; I don't. I WAS the unpopular kid. I already knew it, I just didn't need or want it flaunted and have everyone effectively pointing and saying "HA HA!" It's softening the edges of child cruelty.

Ghoti, unfortunately I don't know why it's become a schoolchildren's thing--all I know is that it was well established when I was at school. We'd give out little cards and candy hearts.

Date: 2008-02-09 08:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ghoti.livejournal.com
We've all been there. I didn't feel more popular for the joke Valentines I was given occasionally, though.

Date: 2008-02-09 08:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ghoti.livejournal.com
And thankyou for engaging with the actual question. I feel like I've been whining 'but *why*?' Maybe I should do my own research :)

Date: 2008-02-09 08:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hatter.livejournal.com
I was the unpopular kid, too. I was the smart kid. I wasn't the not so cool dressed kid. I suspect a lot of the people reading this were in the same position, certainly a lot of the people I like, love and respect were, and I don't think this is entirely coincidence.

Would you rather have lived that part of your life being humoured by your peers and the system ? I doubt they would have been any less cruel about/to you, turning up at a party where you weren't wanted and been more subtley cruel in writing your v-day card. I certainly wouldn't want people I dislike at my special occassion, nor the meaning of a festival I enjoy diluted to make the adults feel better about kids being kids (or in fact humans being humans). That's pandering to the lowest common denominator, and what makes people who they are is that they're not the same as anyone else. I have a very deep-seated fear that creating unrealistic expectations in children is making the world a worse place to live, and I am not alone in this fear.


the hatter

Date: 2008-02-09 09:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arosoff.livejournal.com
I don't see it as humouring anyone or giving them unrealistic expectations. It's about not flaunting people's status. If everyone gets a Valentine, you know it's not about friendship so you don't associate any importance to it, positive or negative. Both the negative associations of not receiving and the positive ones of being included are gone. (Of course there are more subtle ways of distinguishing--you give your real friends better cards, etc. But you don't have the one kid there with an empty desk.) You don't think they're your friends--you know better.

And you can still exclude people you don't want--you just can't do it in school. If you can only have 10 people to your party that's fine, but the invitations can't be handed out in class.

Date: 2008-02-12 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hatter.livejournal.com
If everyone gets a Valentine, you know it's not about friendship


See, that's my problem right there. What's to celebrate if everyone gets it. It's like the jewish or muslim kids getting christmas presents, fine if you see christmas as a festival celebrating buying gifts, not so fine (in fact it seems quite insulting, dismissive and patronising of their beliefs) to people who believe it should be a celebration as the birth of their saviour.

Something similar that more personally galls me, the idea that on your birthday, you bring cake into the office for everyone; yes statistically it involves everyone buying as much cake as if everyone contributes and organises to buy cake for one person on their birthday, but it's your special day, why should you be the one making the effort for the greater good ? I'd would much rather make the effort to make someone else's special day special, even if the effort is a little thing like choosing which cake you think they'd appreciate most.

As for the bit about handing out invites, then good manners would dictate that you employ some tact and decorum if you're not inviting everyone. Should this not be as much a part of school teaching as maths and english ? Punish kids for being rude and obnoxious, for not using common sense and thinking about their actions. Prescriptive law tends to discourage people from taking responsibility for their own actions.


the hatter

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