I have a problem with the word "love" that means I've rarely, if ever, said it to partners.
If someone does say it to me, I tell them how much I care for them. If that response causes an issue, I ask just one thing: Define "love".
Yes, there's a dictionary definition. But that doesn't work here. If you asked people to define love in terms of sacrifices they'd be willing to make, or in terms of other expectations - well, let's just say I suspect the answers might not always sit well with their partner.
Once the hormonal kick of passion begins to wear off, people are left to reason what love means for them, and whether their relationship fulfils those expectations. If it doesn't, people "fall out of love". (And the confusion caused by this sometimes turns to pain, which leads to nastiness.)
I've come to the conclusion that an inability to articulate what "love" is beyond the obvious physiological effects is probably the main cause of relationships ending, after infidelity of course.
So no, if someone said that they loved me, I'd have no problem not giving the standard response. I'd have more problems giving the standard response, because I'd fear that we were both agreeing on something without defining it.
I fear my response to "I love you" is probably too long for most. The only effective way of expressing it was to say what I appreciate about the person. But that takes more time than "I love you too", and can leave people unfulfilled - even though it's a more genuine response.
I don't like the word "love" much because of this. But that's starting a whole journey into other territory...
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2011-01-23 02:25 pm (UTC)If someone does say it to me, I tell them how much I care for them. If that response causes an issue, I ask just one thing:
Define "love".
Yes, there's a dictionary definition. But that doesn't work here. If you asked people to define love in terms of sacrifices they'd be willing to make, or in terms of other expectations - well, let's just say I suspect the answers might not always sit well with their partner.
Once the hormonal kick of passion begins to wear off, people are left to reason what love means for them, and whether their relationship fulfils those expectations. If it doesn't, people "fall out of love". (And the confusion caused by this sometimes turns to pain, which leads to nastiness.)
I've come to the conclusion that an inability to articulate what "love" is beyond the obvious physiological effects is probably the main cause of relationships ending, after infidelity of course.
So no, if someone said that they loved me, I'd have no problem not giving the standard response. I'd have more problems giving the standard response, because I'd fear that we were both agreeing on something without defining it.
I fear my response to "I love you" is probably too long for most. The only effective way of expressing it was to say what I appreciate about the person. But that takes more time than "I love you too", and can leave people unfulfilled - even though it's a more genuine response.
I don't like the word "love" much because of this. But that's starting a whole journey into other territory...