Things I don't understand - Valentiner's Day

[ghoti_mhic_uait]

Someone on a food community I read posted a link to these anatomical heart cupcakes asking whether we thought they'd be suitable for her four year old son to take to school for Valentine's day.

Now, they are utterly awesome, and a quick glance at the ingredients reveals no nuts or peanuts, so I'd think they'd be OK for school, which is how I answered, but...

why would a four year old be taking cakes to school *for Valentine's day*? Why would anyone? We used to (at secondary school) have a board for posting anonymous comments. Apparently I even got one, one year, but I didn'#t have time to go and look until they were all taken down. That is, you post a comment for *one* person, or a small number of people you're interested in romantically or sexually.

The whole class? That would be weird. Four year olds? Also kind of icky.

Any explanations, gratefully received.

Comments

[hatter.livejournal.com]

I was the unpopular kid, too. I was the smart kid. I wasn't the not so cool dressed kid. I suspect a lot of the people reading this were in the same position, certainly a lot of the people I like, love and respect were, and I don't think this is entirely coincidence.

Would you rather have lived that part of your life being humoured by your peers and the system ? I doubt they would have been any less cruel about/to you, turning up at a party where you weren't wanted and been more subtley cruel in writing your v-day card. I certainly wouldn't want people I dislike at my special occassion, nor the meaning of a festival I enjoy diluted to make the adults feel better about kids being kids (or in fact humans being humans). That's pandering to the lowest common denominator, and what makes people who they are is that they're not the same as anyone else. I have a very deep-seated fear that creating unrealistic expectations in children is making the world a worse place to live, and I am not alone in this fear.


the hatter

[arosoff.livejournal.com]

I don't see it as humouring anyone or giving them unrealistic expectations. It's about not flaunting people's status. If everyone gets a Valentine, you know it's not about friendship so you don't associate any importance to it, positive or negative. Both the negative associations of not receiving and the positive ones of being included are gone. (Of course there are more subtle ways of distinguishing--you give your real friends better cards, etc. But you don't have the one kid there with an empty desk.) You don't think they're your friends--you know better.

And you can still exclude people you don't want--you just can't do it in school. If you can only have 10 people to your party that's fine, but the invitations can't be handed out in class.

[hatter.livejournal.com]

If everyone gets a Valentine, you know it's not about friendship

See, that's my problem right there. What's to celebrate if everyone gets it. It's like the jewish or muslim kids getting christmas presents, fine if you see christmas as a festival celebrating buying gifts, not so fine (in fact it seems quite insulting, dismissive and patronising of their beliefs) to people who believe it should be a celebration as the birth of their saviour.

Something similar that more personally galls me, the idea that on your birthday, you bring cake into the office for everyone; yes statistically it involves everyone buying as much cake as if everyone contributes and organises to buy cake for one person on their birthday, but it's your special day, why should you be the one making the effort for the greater good ? I'd would much rather make the effort to make someone else's special day special, even if the effort is a little thing like choosing which cake you think they'd appreciate most.

As for the bit about handing out invites, then good manners would dictate that you employ some tact and decorum if you're not inviting everyone. Should this not be as much a part of school teaching as maths and english ? Punish kids for being rude and obnoxious, for not using common sense and thinking about their actions. Prescriptive law tends to discourage people from taking responsibility for their own actions.


the hatter