It's not what you say, it's the way that you say it.

[ghoti_mhic_uait]

Calmly saying 'I made this decision; this is why' is a much more attractive and persuasive form of argument than 'You must do this or you are a bad person'. I don't like being bullied, and that style of approach is much more likely to put me off *even when I agreed with you in the first place*.

I appreciate that sometimes one just wants to let off steam; and that's fine. But when it's the way the whole argument is conducted, I don't like it so much.

(This seems to come up rather a lot, sadly. So, it's actually not just you, even if you are eg. Ben Goldacre)

Comments

[alison-lees.livejournal.com]

mentioning no names, and looking at no-one in particular...

[ghoti.livejournal.com]

Well, it does seem to happen more in parenting discussions, but no, apart from Mr Goldacre, I wasn't thinking of anyone in particular.

[rysmiel.livejournal.com]

I think they are different scales of argument, appropriate for different contexts. I find the former works in many more places, but if my next-door neighbour were to start agitating for the restoration of the Aztec state religion and pulling hearts out of people's chests all over the place, I'd not hesitate to go beyond "this is not my thing" into "this is not good".

[ghoti.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I suppose you have a point.

[ghoti.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I suppose you have a point.

[alison-lees.livejournal.com]

yes, but you'd probably say why; even if the why was 'it's wrong'?